The Only Relationship Advice You Will Ever Need

We all have relationship challenges.

Whatever your complaint, whatever your grief, even without you saying it, know that I hear you. Because whatever relationship problem you have, it may all be different but it all boils down to the same solution - you and your partner are going to have to take the journey to healing by dealing with it together. 2 people need to take the steps to communicate with each other to resolve things as they go along. This is assuming two people love each other, are not in a narcissistic, co-dependent or toxic relationship, and are willing and committed to making their relationship work in a healthy manner for both. 

Whatever you are going through, talking to someone about it is helpful for you if the person you are sharing it with holds your space and just listens. And even then, there will always be more back story that is not being said, and they will never get the full first hand context of your situation.

So you don’t need anyone telling you what you decision you should make. Not from me. Not from your friend. Certainly not from strangers in an online forum who do not know you. Taking advice from other people who are well meaning, but interpret your situation through the lens of their personal experiences, will only confuse you. Because everyone will have a different take on the matter. And different perspectives, which may work for them, but maybe not apply as well to you.

So while it is good to reach out to people who are sound and grounded and loving to get some perspective, just remember that you are ultimately the only one who you should listen to. Listen to yourself. And listen to your partner. You are the only 2 people in this relationship whose thoughts matter on the subject of your relationship. Ultimately, you are the only decision maker of your life choices.

In order to begin figuring it out for yourself, first, you need be honest with yourself about how you feel. I believe you can also be honest with your partner, but in a constructive way to grow your relationship.

Frame your conversation before you talk, in a way that expresses love:

1.State first that you love them and want your relationship to be better than it is now. 

2. Don’t complain, or finger point or shame to make them feel bad. 

3. Let them know you think they are great in whatever ways (make a list). And you appreciate them. But you have not been feeling appreciated lately in your love language . 

4. Go on to say that you want to give them what they need from you.

5. And you want to be able to tell them what you need from them.

6. It is your hope that you can both work on making each other’s lives better. 

That is how you can lay the foundations of honest talk with your partner without blame. Whether you are a man or a woman. Just state directly what you want. 

People actually do want to hear what you think, if they do not feel attacked and blamed. Ask questions rather than point fingers and make accusing statements or woe is me complaints. 

Also, whatever you say you want, give it first. Reach out and give a hug when you need one. Usually, you get one back right away. Reach out and give a kiss. Be kind first. Be thoughtful first. Do to your partner what you wish for them to do for you.  

Connection before correction. Connect first rather than try to correct the other person. This works in all relationships. Be it with your partner, with your kids, or colleagues in the workplace. 

If your ego or anger or resentment is stopping you from naturally initiating love naturally, then unblock your flow of good energy by talking about it. Have the conversation you clearly need to have with them. 

Be clear and honest with yourself first with what it is you want so it can be communicated clearly. If you do not know what you want, and you are not honest with yourself about what it is you truly are asking for, you cannot in all fairness expect them to get it or give it. 

Let’s all grow good communication and connections with each other!