Stop Trying So Hard To Fit In
Here's what nobody tells you:
You're writing your own story whether you realize it or not.
You are the narrator of your own story.
You don’t just get to tell your story, you get to write the script.
You are the main character of your own story.
Every single day, you're figuring out these three massive questions:
Who you are really?
Where are you going?
What can you become?
The possibilities are literally endless…
Here's the Thing About Growing Up: Change vs. Core
You're going to change. A lot.
Like, the person you are at 22 is going to look back at 18-year-old you and see things differently. Your taste in everything will evolve, your priorities may flip upside down, and you'll discover parts of yourself you never knew existed. Your interests will shift, your priorities will change, you will have different needs and you will change, even surprise yourself with who you become. But here's what's cool – underneath all that change, there's still this core "you" that stays the same.
That's probably why connections you made as kids can last a lifetime. Why your childhood bestie still gets you after years apart. These connections anchor us to the parts of ourselves we hope won’t ever fade away.
Real Talk: The Many Roles We Play
We're all basically walking around playing dress-up every day. We all act a part. We role play. We put on a mask. We all wear costumes. You've got your work personality, your family dinner personality, your "trying to impress this person" personality, your Friday night personality – each setting and situation gets a version of you. It’s like we play many characters with many costume changes for each scene change.
We're constantly in our heads about it:
How do I look?
What do I need to wear?
Who do I need to be?
What do I need to say?
How do I need to act?
We all want people to like us, we all want to be accepted, so we sometimes change our personality to fit in. That’s natural.
Plot Twist: Fitting In is Actually the Opposite of Belonging
Deep down, everyone wants to belong. So everyone tries to fit in. But are they the same thing?
Every time you stay quiet when someone says or does something that goes against your values, every time you laugh at mean jokes that make you uncomfortable, every time you pretend to love something you actually hate, just so someone would accept you, just so you will fit in with others around you... you're giving up your true self inside to act like someone you are not on the outside.
Here’s where it gets interesting:
You have given up your voice.
You are letting others write your story for you.
You are no longer the main character in your story.
That is not to say you must always do what you feel like. Sometimes, you need to adapt to your surroundings when it calls for it. Like being quiet and paying attention when a teacher is talking so you can learn and not disrupt other people from learning. Or when it requires you to grow as a person, become more than who you are. Like learn public speaking skills to sound confident when you speak even if you have stage fright. Or be polite and kind to people, despite the fact you are in a bad mood.
But you can stop fitting in, when it makes you be less of who you are. Stop trying to squeeze yourself into spaces that make you feel small. Stop dimming your personality to make other people comfortable. Stop betraying your own values because you're scared of being the odd one out. Your weirdness is what makes you interesting. Your uniqueness are what make conversations worth having. Your different perspective is exactly what the world needs.
Fitting In is Actually the Opposite of Belonging.
When you try too hard to fit it to a group of people that do not fit you, it means you do not belong with them and they do not belong with you. When you try to fit in everywhere, you are neither here nor there and it actually keeps you from belonging anywhere.
Most importantly, you should not have to Lose yourself:
To be liked
To matter
To be cool
People should like you for you. If we change who we are in order to fit in, it is not belonging. When others say or do something that is against your values, and you follow the crowd even though it is not what you believe is right to do, you betray yourself for other people. You start to lose who you truly are, to become someone you are not. You no longer belong to yourself.
The Secret Nobody Talks About: Real belonging
Want to know something that changed everything for me?
When I realized this:
I belong to me.
You belong to you.
In the overlap where we meet,
we belong, we connect, as ourselves true.
I belong to me first. You belong to you first. And when we meet as our actual selves – with all our weird quirks and strong opinions and random interests – that's where the magic happens.
Real belonging isn't about creating a false version of yourself to get people accept you.
Real belonging doesn't ask you to shrink or put on a fake show.
It just asks you to show up as you are – messy, complex, evolving, and wonderfully unique.
Your Life's Biggest Adventure: Becoming More YOU
How do we find out who we are?
Here's what I wish someone had told me earlier:
The point isn’t to figure out what other people want from you or meet society’s expectations.
The point is to keep becoming more yourself.
Someone that value adds in your interactions with others. The most authentic, unfiltered, unapologetic version of who you already are deep down. It's about stripping away all the stuff that isn't really you and embracing the person you were always meant to be. One that does not harm others with your actions. One that brings joy to you, and to others because of who you are.
Real Talk for your twenties: The Bottom line - You belong to you.
The right people – the ones who actually matter – will love you for who you are, not who you think you need to pretend to be. And those are the only people worth keeping around anyway.
Trust me, once you stop performing and start just being yourself, everything gets so much easier. And way more fun.
Ready to stop performing and start belonging?
Your authentic self is waiting.
You belong to you.